I remember one girl that was more of an acquaintance to the group. She was very tiny but tough as hell. She could do more pull-ups than anyone in the school and had prominent biceps for her small frame. I decided immediately I needed biceps. I had this VHS tape called Arms and Abs of Steel. That video was the start of a fitness obsession. After high school I subscribed to Oxygen magazine, learning everything I could about healthy eating and routine. This was amazing! Working out immediately brought me joy. The movement, the strength, the health benefits, who wouldn’t love this?! I wanted to share it with the world and learn every detail. I remember co-workers asking what I ate and what kind of workouts I did. I remember one friend asking me in a Facebook message for some tips and I wrote back a full-on novel with the ins and outs of fitness, routines for her, food suggestions and the benefits of water intake and protein. Unbeknownst to me, that was far more information than she was actually asking for. I’m quite certain she never asked me about fitness ever again. The deeper I got into fitness, the more I realized something else about myself: when I believed in something, I went all in — and I didn’t tone myself down for anyone.
Directness had followed me long before adulthood. I was always a quiet and observant child. In the grocery once with my mother, I noticed an adult that was quite tiny. I immediately asked my mother about it — bluntly. She was embarrassed, but I just needed information, as I had never encountered this new observation.
I remember debating with some female coworkers on breast feeding. They were criticizing it and me for doing it. I obviously took parenthood quite seriously and had purchased the good ole manual “What to Expect When You are Expecting” as soon as I decided I wanted a baby, so I KNEW the importance and benefits of breast feeding, if you are able. Plus it’s free, what a no-brainer! I didn’t waste much time trying to convince them. Deep down I resented them for making me feel defensive about something I had already researched to death. Occasionally my temper would take over and I would explode on someone. Now this sounds like a recipe for disaster at work, but this was in a factory environment. You could easily get away with being blunt, swearing, things like that. One time I was convinced that I was getting fired though because I called my boss a Mother Fucker. My mother’s words would pop into my head, after such events: “Your mouth is going to get you in trouble one day”. I have been unbelievably lucky over the years. I started realizing that people don’t always want the truth — and don’t really want full answers to the questions they ask. How confusing! Why waste time and energy like that? It didn’t make any sense to me. I thought honesty was efficient. I thought answering questions thoroughly was helpful. It never occurred to me that clarity could make people uncomfortable. That realization would take a lot longer.